Powerpoint 2

• infatuation - to love someone you can't have
• in Greek, Roman, and Biblical culture, love came in three types

  • eros
  • phileo
  • agape
• eros (romantic, sexual, passionate love) usually leads to marriage
• phileo - filial love, brotherly love, friendship
• agape - unconditional, compassionate love for the world
• lust - sexual desire, some mistakenly equate love with sex
• infatuation - a state of passion or attraction not based in reason, love for someone you don't even know
• falling in love is exciting not lasting, the more romantic relationships don't usually last
• men are more likely to fall in love faster while women are more cautious
• men put less in relationships and expect more out
• what are two types of love

  • romantic and realistic love
• one trait in a man that is unappealing is being controlling
• manic love - crazy, lose your mind passion
• storge - companionate, predictable... secure kind of love and they know each other very well
• ludic - love is a game.... for players
• pragma - logical, rational, controlled
• agape - compassionate, unconditional
• erotic and maniac are one type of love while agape and storge are another type of love
• long term relationships need 3 sides of the triangle, passion, intimacy, and commitment
• what are Chapman's 5 love languages

  • gifts
  • Quality time
  • words of affirmation
  • acts of service
  • physical touch
• 3 intertwined theories on the origins of love

  • evolutionary theory - love leads to reproduction and continuance of species. everything about love is ultimately about making and raising babies
  • biochemical theory - the importance of hormones, brain chemicals, and biological function
  • attachment theory - our needs for affection and closeness are critical to survival
• evolutionary theory is a theory that welds this theory

  1. sex
  2. childbirth
• in evolutionary theory, love bonds parents with dependent children and spouses with each other to care for their offspring. In other words, the end of love would mean the end of the human race.
• women look for men who can take care of them and their children
• men look for healthy women for childbirth
• what are the 4 chemicals in the biochemical theory?

  oxytocin, dopamines, estrogen, and testosterone
• oxytocin bonds mothers to child and produces a giddy high in young lovers
• dopamines are amphetamine-like chemicals that excite the body for pleasure
• estrogen forms female bodies, stimulates reproductive growth, and prepares body for sex
• testosterone forms male bodies, stimulates reproductive growth, prepares male bodies for sex
• estrogen and testosterone are essential for sex drive in both males and females
• sex bonds couples with oxytocin ( the cuddle chemical)
• oxytocin stimulates child birth
• attachment theory - humans need to be connected to others to complete the evolutionary goal of reproduction
• violent offenders are more likely to suffer from parent deprivation, neglect, abuse, or parental abandonment as children. to become a healthy adult, you need one mentally healthy parent
• love is universal but we experience it in a societal context

  • falling in love is a social label given to an internal feeling
  • love is a different experience in other countries
• psychological conditions for falling in love, a perception of reciprocal liking is universally critical

  • High self esteem
  • self compassion
  • self disclosure
• people who hate themselves have a harder time loving others, love decreases over time
• in most relationships, arousal is critical
• there must be a cognitive function for love to develop