Chapter 9,

• Daniel Goleman: '“All emotions, are in essence, impulses to act, the instant plan for handling life that evolution has instilled in us”'
• Neuroscientist Dr. Joseph LeDoux: 'The amygdala, neocortex, and frontal lobes are primarily involved in the creation of emotions'
• The amygdala is the center of action and emotional sentinel that can take control of actions before the neocortex could assess what to do. It also keeps a memory bank of previous experiences related to emotions
• The neocortex is the thinking brain which receives signals sent by the thalamus
• Small amounts of pulses coming from the thalamus escape to the amygdala triggering knee-jerk reactions to situations, happening before the information is processed. This is known as “hijacking of the amygdala”
• Emotions, no matter how strong, can be controlled. Emotional intelligence lies between the interaction of the amygdala and pre-frontal cortex
• Domains of emotional intelligence by Peter Salovey


  • Knowing one’s emotions or self-awareness
  • Managing emotions
  • Motivating oneself
  • Recognizing emotions in others
  • Handling relationships
• Benefits of Emotional Intelligence

  • Physical and mental health
  • Work performance
  • Relationships
• Researchers have found that relationships are essential to one’s happiness
• The absence of close relationships can produce a profound negative effect on an individual, such as feeling worthless, powerless, and alienated
• Personal relationships are closely associated with the person and can only have meaning to that person. Privacy and intimacy are defining characteristics. It involves a degree of commitment to a person or persons
• Elements of personal relationships

  • Attachment
  • Attraction
  • Love
  • Intimacy
• Secure Attachment


  The primary caregiver is most of the time present and available, meeting all the emotional needs of an infant, providing a sense of security. This leads to the child growing up to have more secure and stable relationships
• Avoidant Attachment


  The primary caregiver is cold, detached, and unresponsive to a child's needs, leading the child to sense rejection and develop premature detachment and self-reliance
• Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment


  The primary caregiver is inconsistent in terms of presence and meeting the child's emotional needs, potentially leading to the child developing separation anxiety
• Lust


  Driven by sex hormones, testosterone, and estrogen, affecting both sexes
• Attraction


  Described as the love-struck phase involving dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. This stage includes losing sleep and appetite over someone and daydreaming about them
• Attachment in Love


  When a couple decides to continue the relationship, they enter the attachment stage where long-lasting commitment is exchanged. Hormones like Oxytocin aid in orgasm and childbirth, while Vasopressin promotes long-term relationships
• Theories related to attraction and liking

  • Transference effect
  • Propinquity effect
  • Similarity
  • Reciprocity
  • Physical Attractiveness
  • Personality Characteristics and Traits
• Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love - Intimacy


  Closeness and attachment
• Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love - Commitment


  Decision to stick with one another, fulfilling and living by agreements
• Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love - Passion


  Physical arousal, strong sexual feeling, and intense excitement
• Types of Love according to Sternberg's Triangular Theory

  • Liking (intimacy alone)
  • Romantic Love (intimacy + passion)
  • Infatuation (passion alone)
  • Fatuous Love (passion + commitment)
  • Companionate Love (intimacy + commitment)
  • Empty Love (commitment alone)
• Rozenberg's Three Valuables related to Commitment

  • Accumulation of all rewards of the relationship
  • Temptation of alternative partners
  • Investments made by the couple in the relationship
• Behaviors predicting separation and divorce

  • Criticism
  • Denial of conflict
  • Contempt