Self-Disclosure

• Self-disclosure is the idea that relationship formation is built on trust with another person, which is demonstrated by gradually revealing personal information, such as thoughts, feelings and experiences that they might share with anyone else. Disclosing thoughts and feelings and allowing a partner to reveal their ‘true selves’ leads to greater intimacy in romantic relationships, and ultimately to more satisfaction. By gradually revealing emotions and experiences and listening to each other, people gain a greater understanding of each other and display tru
• Reciprocal: Self disclosure should be reciprocal – once you have disclosed something, your partner should reciprocate. This is rewarding as you share your intimate thoughts and feelings. There should be a balance of self-disclosure between both partners to increase feelings of intimacy.
• Social Penetration Theory uses an ‘onion metaphor’ to describe self disclosure. At first, people often share a lot of information about superficial aspects of themselves (breadth), but consider some topics to be ‘off-limit’ (depth).An excessively intimate disclosure at an early stage is unlikely to be reciprocated. This could leave the individual over-disclosing feeling short-changed. But equally, too little self-disclosure at the beginning and the other person may think that you just want to be friends, so it is a skilful balance.
• For example, in the beginning, people only disclose superficial details about themselves, such as their music taste, hobbies and interests, and gradually - and reciprocally - move to revealing more intimate details, such as religious and political beliefs, family values and difficult experiences. Thus, each person is penetrating deeper into the other partner’s life.

  – Low risk -> Early on (breadth)

  – High risk -> Comes out as the relationship progresses (depth)
• Has and Hartford (1998) found that 57% of gay men and women considered open self-disclosure as a main way to maintain close relationships. This demonstrates the importance of self-disclosure in romantic relationships.
• Strong everyday life applications, as it could help improve partners’ communication skills in intimate relationships. If couples with relationship issues are found to engage in ‘small talk’ rather than meaningful interactions, therapists can deliberately and skilfully increase self- disclosure, thus allowing couples to achieve higher intimacy and relationship satisfaction. This shows that Social Penetration Theory has a practical application in that it can be used to enhance romantic relationship experiences
• Social Penetration Theory was developed based on research in a Western, individualist culture, so it may not apply to collectivist cultures. For example, Tang et al. (2013) found that men and women in the USA tended to disclose more sexual thoughts and feelings than romantic partners in China; however, the level of relationship satisfaction was high in both cultures. This shows that self- disclosure is not a requirement for successful relationships in all cultures, making Social Penetration Theory culturally biased
• Evidence to support the idea of self-disclosure as a feature of attraction in relationships comes from online dating. The anonymity of online dating means that web users disclose very personal information (depth) much earlier in a relationship than they would face to face. This means that the relationship feels exciting and intense (BOOM). However, because the breadth hasn’t been established first it is not sustainable leading to break up (BUST). This shows breadth within a relationship needs to be established first.
• While there is undoubtedly a link between self-disclosure and greater relationship satisfaction, cause and effect cannot be established. The direction of causation may be the other way round: As partners become more satisfied with their relationship, this causes them to disclose more deeply and broadly. This is a problem for social penetration theory as most of the supporting research cannot demonstrate sound evidence that self-disclosure causes relationship satisfaction, making us question this as a factor affecting attraction.