WALA

• Marriage

  Ideally a permanent relationship "until death do us part"
• Cohesiveness in marriage


  • Comes from both the internal emotional, moral and religious commitments, like legal and religious pressure, by which society reinforces the institution of marriage
  • Adjustments which husband and wife make must be long term solutions to problems, rather than just "making do until the end of the year" or "putting up with it a few hours a day"
• Marital Adjustment


  • The process during which partners in a marriage adapt and change to their new roles complementing each other acting as a team opposed to two separate units
  • It is also important to unify the following interests and values, maintaining open lines of communication and encouraging the expression of each others communication
• Couples quarrel. But conflict is conflict whether it is fought with word or hand-to-hand combat
• Basic conflicts arise over the fundamental rules of marriage, and if left unresolved, can end the marriage
• Two personalities living in intimacy cannot avoid conflict unless both are completely apathetic to each other
• A husband and wife need not agree upon everything nor even like each other's every trait. It is not the agreement but the manner in which it is expressed that causes tension
• Personality


  The totality of the external manifestations and internal feelings of the individual. It includes his habits, behavior, thought patterns, emotional responses, moods, attitudes, reactions to people and situations, hopes, fears, aspirations and a myriad of other things that make him an individual
• Most conflicts in marriage exist because the two personalities of husband and wife are unable to achieve a common basis for making a satisfactory decision. Most of the difficulties arise from differences in habits and attitudes
• Domestic Grievances


  When two individuals share living quarters, routine arrangements must be adapted to the needs, habits and preferences of both. Even the use of a bathroom can necessitate major adjustment of both partners
• The primary essence of marriage is sharing, and the sheer mechanics of living together offers a tangible opportunity to learn how to share
• Temperamental Traits


  Well adjusted people maintain their equilibrium even when the going gets rough. They swing neither the one extreme of violent anger nor to the other of apathetic coldness
• The theory that temperament determines to a large degree one's success in marriage does not imply that the individual can do nothing consciously to favor compatibility
• Emotional Maturity


  An individual may exhibit both mature and immature behavior at the same time. A person may be forty years old by the calendar but sixteen by some of his behavior patterns. He may be physically developed, and may possess a high grade intelligence and yet he may exhibit childish responses
• Characteristics of an emotionally mature person

  • Has an intelligence comparable to his calendar age and uses this as he meets the demands of daily life
  • Sees himself as part of a larger whole
  • Lives in a world of reality
  • Is independent minded
  • Does not depend too much upon flattery, praises, and compliments
  • Has an adult attitude toward sex, love and marriage
• Parent Fixation


  A very disturbing factor in husband-wife relationship. The bride or bridegroom feels that he occupies second place only in the other's affection
• Recreation


  Leisure time that is free from economic pursuits, including homemaking
• There should be some definite plan of recreation for the average family. In the planning, the children must be involved which means setting up a family council where the children may participate
• Authority and Responsibility


  In a truly democratic family, members are usually encourage to take care of themselves, to grow in their ability to assume adult responsibilities and to use as much freedom as they would need at any given time. Such freedom differs from license because with the latter the individual has no regard for whatever consequence may be
• Relatives and In Laws


  In the Philippines where family ties are very strong, living with in-laws is sometimes unavoidable. Friction within the family oftentimes results from the different points of view held about various situations by the varied members of the household
• For a marriage to be succeed both mates must give their first allegiance and loyalty to each other rather than to their parents
• Trifles


  Too frequently, misunderstanding between married couples are traced to things of little value or importance. These are sometimes more harmful than an occasional heated argument which can help bring out about greater understanding
• Causes of irritability


  • Extreme physical or mental fatigue
  • Emotional or intellectual maladjustment
  • Unsatisfactory sex relations
• Money Problems


  • Decision making about family spending is relatively easy if husband and wife share common social perceptions and expectations
  • The traditional arrangement among Filipino couples is that the husband gives his wife his entire salary for household and other expenses
• Money is nearly always a problem for the newly married. The realistic wife knows that money is not elastic. Before thinking of extras and luxuries she makes sure that such essentials are provided for
• Infidelity


  To many infidelity is akin adultery, the physical act of extramarital coitus. But infidelity may in reality entail a much broader range of behavior. Many men and women look outside their marriage to satisfy emotional and psychological but not always sexual needs
• One of the modern trends prevalent among members of the upper middle class today is for a married man or woman to have a boy/girl friend. The terms for these are mistress, querida, kabit, gigolo
• In most cases of infidelity, the wife decides to maintain the marriage rather than to seek separation with its attendant social disapproval
• Jealousy


  Jealousy is a natural provocative emotion. When it gets out of hand, however, it defeats its purpose and can alienate a spouse's affection without real justification. Jealousy implies fear – fear of losing the affection and fidelity of the other person
• Types of Jealousy


  • Necessary or justifiable jealousy – that which is based upon observation of the behavior of the spouse
  • Unnecessary or unjustifiable jealousy- that which is not based upon fact but on the feeling of insecurity or suspicion of the jealous person
• Reasons why jealousy is self-defeating


  • Love and fidelity cannot be forced through suspicion and surveillance. The only love worth having is that which is given freely and voluntarily
  • Even when justifiable, jealousy is not addressed to the true causes of infidelity
  • The other person resents the lack of trust
  • A jealous person is likely to be hard to live with and, therefore, likely to become unattractive
  • Jealousy often involves projection of blame
  • Jealousy tends to be a symptom of immaturity and is often part of behavior that is not conducive to happy marriage
• Ways in which jealousy is expressed

  • Criticism
  • Suspicion
  • Questioning
  • Nagging
  • Demands for explanation
  • Moodiness
  • Loss of respect
  • Attempted domination
  • Restriction of freedom
• A Working Wife


  There are husbands who resent the outside interests of their wives. They want their wives for themselves alone. They feel that their friends will look down upon them and consider them inadequate breadwinner if they allow their wives to work outside the home. There are husband who also tend to become jealous of their wives time. The wife's promotion and success are a threat to the husband. The competition can become a rivalry where the husband feels that his masculinity is challenged by his wife success
• A traditional husband wants a full time housewife whose interest revolve completely around him and whose life is subordinated to his standards and wishes
• Sexual Relations


  Marriage as a recognized social institution sanction the intimate physical relationship between husband and wife. It is socially approved means reproduction. As such the sexual relation between a husband and wife considered as an expression of their deeper emotional life together and their regard for each other as well as nature's way of providing off spring
• Marriage


  Ideally a permanent relationship "until death do us part"
• Cohesiveness in marriage


  • Comes from both the internal emotional, moral and religious commitments, like legal and religious pressure, by which society reinforces the institution of marriage
  • Adjustments must be long term solutions to problems, rather than just "making do until the end of the year" or "putting up with it a few hours a day"
• Marital Adjustment


  • The process during which partners in a marriage adapt and change to their new roles complementing each other acting as a team opposed to two separate units
  • Unifying interests and values, maintaining open lines of communication and encouraging the expression of each others communication
• Couples quarrel. But conflict is conflict whether it is fought with word or hand-to-hand combat
• Basic conflicts arise over the fundamental rules of marriage, and if left unresolved, can end the marriage