Unit 3 - Lesson 2

• Stage 1: Initial meeting/attraction - dating relationships have to start somewhere. This may take place over the internet, through friends, in a church or social group, at a party or bar or any one of a myriad of many different places.
• Stage 1: initial meeting/attraction - different arenas for meeting allow for different opportunities to get to know each other and see if there is enough curiosity or interest to take it to the next level which would involve arranging a second or third meeting.
• Stage 2: curiosity, interest, and infatuation - early attraction often involves the outward appearance, body type, interests and personality traits. At this stage, each half of a couple is generally putting his or her best foot forward. Differences are not noticed or are dismissed as “not a big deal” or “she will change”.
• Stage 2: curiosity, interest, and infatuation - this stage may last for 3 or 4 months depending on the individuals and their maturity, experience and self-understanding.
• Stage 3: "enlightenment" and becoming a couple - during this stage of a relationship, hormones are calming down and reality sets in. Couples often go “deeper” in their connection. Trust is stronger and more intimacies may be shared.
• Stage 3: "enlightenment' and becoming a couple -at this stage of the relationship, couples will take note of the differences and may even begin to complain or attempt to problem-solve.
• Stage 4: commitment and engagement - at this stage in a relationship, couples should have a good understanding of their partner’s values, lifestyle, and goals for the future. There should be a relationship with each other’s family and friends.
• Stage 4: commitment and engagement - open and honest conversations should be happening as couples plan their present and future together. Questions about children, finances, careers, future goals and lifestyle should be discussed more fully.
• Dating: a practical catholic guide - recognizes that “there is no one specifically Catholic understanding of dating. Dating is not mentioned in the Bible or in the Catechism of the Catholic Church. Neither the Church Fathers nor recent popes have talked about dating.”
• Jason E. King in his booklet entitled Dating: A

  Practical Catholic Guide
• Scriptures do not offer specific guidelines for dating

  and courtship, although courtship, and probably

  dating to some extent, was practiced by the Jews in

  the first century.
• Modern dating is usually done as a recreational thing i.e., spending time with someone to have fun, engage in sexual pleasure and then see where it leads.
• courtship is an intentional and purposeful process carried out with marriage as the ultimate goal.
• Dating leads to intimacy but not necessarily commitment - Intimacy without commitment is defrauding. Intimacy without commitment, like icing without cake, can be sweet, but it ends up making us sick.
• Dating tends to skip the friendship stage of a relationship - Intimacy without friendship is superficial. A relationship based only on physical attraction and romantic feelings will last only as long as the feelings last.
• Dating often mistakes physical attraction for love - The exclusive attention expected in dating relationships tends to steal peoples' passion for serving in the church and to isolate them from the friends who love them most, family members who know them best, and, even God, whose will be far more important than any romantic interest.
• Dating often isolates couple from other vital relationships - physical involvement can make two people feel close. But if people in dating relationships really examined the focus of their relationships, they probably discover that all they have in common is lust.
• Dating distracts young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future - a preoccupation with being the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend now can actually hinder you from being the future husband or wife that person will one day need.
• Dating can cause discontent with God's gift of singleness - instead of enjoying the unique qualities of singleness, dating causes people to focus on what they don’t have.
• Dating creates an artificial environment for evaluating another person's character - being fun on a date doesn’t say anything about a person’s character or ability to be a good husband or wife.
• Friendship Stage (highlights) - It should last no more than 1-2 months.
• Friendship Stage - you should avoid being alone together, emotional intimacy, no signs of physical affection between you
• Friendship Stage - any dates or time spent together should be within a group setting and casual manner of conversation
• Friendship Stage (must do) - during this stage, you need to be completely detached in order to have clarity of judgment to determine whether he/she has virtue or not.
• Friendship Stage (must do) - once you two have determined that you intend to court, he needs to approach your father or male head of the home to ask permission to court you and then you two move on to the next stage.
• Courtship Stage - it should last between 3 – 6 months.
• Courtship Stage - no sign of physical affection between you.
• Courtship Stage - you should avoid being alone together; this shows respect for God and respect for the person that you claim to love.
• Courtship Stage - you will be spending a little bit more time together in this stage in the company of friends or family members – this way, the public acts as a chaperone
• Courtship Stage - you will, at this stage, also get to meet and know each others’ families.
• Engagement/Betrothal Stage - 3-5 months.
• Engagement/Betrothal Stage - to avoid near occasion of sin, any signs of affection should be very limited and in small doses. Avoid alone time together.
• Engagement/Betrothal Stage - you can hold hands occasionally or give a slight peck, but definitely no French-kissing.
• Engagement/Betrothal Stage - deferring to him on major decisions and so on as you both plan for your coming wedding and marriage.
• Engagement/Betrothal Stage - should still practice self-control and show self-denial towards you at this stage.
• Know your intentions - dating is a time to learn more about yourself through a relationship with others. It is a time to see what qualities you need and like in others. When not limiting yourself to a certain type you will discover new and valuable aspects of each person.
• Stick to your boundaries - communication is an important factor in any relationship particularly while dating. All relationships need boundaries. A boundary for a practicing Catholic is chastity, refraining from sexual activity before marriage. Doing this helps build intimacy within the relationship without having sex.
• Have fun - just enjoy the time you have with that person in the present moment; tomorrow will

  take care of itself. Some fun date ideas include museums, art galleries, bowling, going to the mall, movies, dinner, and parks.
• Trust in God while dating - Dating is an opportunity from God to learn more about others through entering into a dating relationship with them.