Story

• Maybe I shouldn't have done it

  But, I hated him
• His name alone sent shivers down my spine, triggering memories I wished I could efface
• I didn't care about the bruises that once stained my skin, I didn't care about the shattered promises that surrounded me, I didn't care about the nights I had spent cowering in fear of what might happen, yet they still flashed before my eyes as they wandered across the room, following the shadows the fluorescent lights had cast
• Clenching my hands into fists, my eyes smouldering with suppressed rage, and my jaw tense with apprehension, I waited for my fate, yet undoubtedly my defiance radiated almost palpable by those near to me
• They had the nerve to avert their eyes as soon as I turned, afraid I'd hurt them, like I had before
• All rise. Today we are here to discuss the murder of Zac Forest
• Thunder boomed across the sky like an angry and menacing beast, its roar echoing with deep resonance
• Each rumble seemed to trigger a flashback evoking guttural emotions out of me, and the feelings of helplessness and despair consumed me fully
• I know I shouldn't have done it but what was I meant to do? Stand around? Let him treat me like that? Like I was barely human?
• Within minutes it was done, the bruises on my skin finally lifted off me as they marred his skin instead, with all the marks I'd gained from years of this torturous abuse
• Engulfed in a whirlwind of emotions that conflicted themselves, relief washed over me as I finally realised, I never had to go anything like that again, a weight was lifted off my shoulders, replacing it was a sense of liberation I hadn't felt for years
• But following shortly was a gnawing guilt, one that whispered ghostly accusations that he didn't deserve this end, that it was my fault not his
• But the flicker in defiance in me never diminished but rather burned bright amongst all the darkness that surrounded me
• As the thunder faded silently back into the distance, I reminded myself that I was a survivor, a fighter, and never again a victim
• As the trial progressed, inveterate emotions threatened to overwhelm me. Anger, resentment, doubt, each waged a fierce battle within me, vying for control
• It was like they weren't describing me but rather a different person, one that had no reason to kill him, one that didn't suffer everything that I had
• I had to reflect accusations of violence while my own suffering was continually ignored
• Guilty of murder
• How did no one believe me?
• Yes, I did it. It was my fault, I shouldn't have done it, but he was to blame too
• The words echoed back and forth in my mind like an alarm, each one a painful reminder that I had to wake up and realise this wasn't a dream
• I wouldn't be saved nor applauded for my braveness, but as I walked away in chains in more places than the ones on my wrist, my gaze remained unwavering and my resolve still intact, I couldn't let the despair engulf me
• If he couldn't break me, no one could
• Maybe I shouldn't have done it

  But, I hated him