love and relationships

• Social exchange theory


  Theory that explains how people consider potential costs and rewards of a new relationship and compare it with other relationships available
• Social exchange theory


  1. Sampling

  2. Bargaining

  3. Commitment

  4. Institutionalisation
• Sampling


  People consider potential costs and rewards of a new relationship and compare it with other relationships available
• Bargaining


  As the relationship develops partners give and receive rewards which tests whether a deeper relationship is worthwhile
• Commitment


  As predictability increases in the relationship each partner knows how to elicit rewards from the other and costs are lowered
• Institutionalisation


  Norms are developed within the relationship which establishes the patterns of cost and reward for each partner
• Equity theory


  Theory that the outcomes of being in a relationship should be proportionate to the input
• Equitable outcomes are not necessarily equal outcomes
• Inequitable relationships lead to feelings of discomfort
• Phases of a relationship

  1. Inclusion

  2. Response

  3. Care

  4. Trust

  5. Affection

  6. Playfulness

  7. Genitality
• Inclusion


  Invitation to relate
• Response


  Agreeing to relate
• Care


  Concern for other's welfare
• Trust


  Support and care for each other
• Affection


  Warmth attachment and desire
• Playfulness


  Delight in each other
• Genitality


  Decision to engage in sex
• Zeki et al, 2012: 'When you fall in love loads of areas in the brain "light up" whilst a large part of your brain gets de-activated'
• People in love have much lower activity in their frontal cortex which is an area of the brain crucial to reason and judgement
• During early stages of love


  Emotional excitement raises the body's cortisol levels
• Raised cortisol levels


  Causes a racing heart, butterflies in stomachs and sweaty palms
• Chemicals involved in love


  • Oxytocin which deepens feelings of attachment
  • Vasopressin which is linked to trust, empathy and sexual monogamy
• Brain when you are in love is similar to the brain on psychoactive substances
• Fisher, 2014: 'Similar brain areas light up during the rush of euphoria when you are in love after taking cocaine'
• Sternberg's triangular theory of love

  3 components: Passion, Intimacy, Commitment
• Commitment alone


  Empty love
• In a relationship passion builds and then fades to allow for intimacy and commitment to continue to build
• Love styles are not seen as stable traits
• Love styles are context-dependent ideologies influenced by cultural and societal changes
• Our expectations of passionate love have changed, e.g. marital dissatisfaction may be a consequence of the unrealistic expectations of continued passionate love in relationships
• As life expectancy increases so does a need for compassionate longer lasting relationships
• Most love studies are self-report, combining perceptions of love experiences with psychometric testing, and tend to focus on the beginning or the end of a relationship
• What influences relationship satisfaction


  • Internal dispositions (forming an attachment, attachment styles)
  • Interpersonal processes (cost-benefit exchange theory, equity theory)
  • Positive processes (importance of intimacy)
• Attachment styles


  • Secure
  • Insecure
  • Anxious/ambivalent
• More self-disclosure


  Leads to more trust, compassionate love and relationship satisfaction
• The more your self-concept overlaps with your partner's


  The greater the relationship satisfaction, commitment and investment in the relationship
• Approach relationship goals


  Focused on the pursuit of positive experience and increase relationship satisfaction and positive emotions
• Believing your partner knows your goals


  Increases closeness, trust and relationship quality
• Ingredients in lasting love relationship


  • Self-acceptance
  • Appreciation of each other's qualities
  • Commitment
  • Good communication, realistic expectations and shared interests
  • Ability to face & deal with conflict
• Characteristics of high quality relationships


  • Supportive communication
  • Companionship
  • Sexual expression and variety
  • Seeing partner as best friends
  • Maintaining frequent positive interaction