A2

• Around the age thirteen or fourteen


  When it all began
• What began


  1. Smaller things

  2. One disappointed look

  3. Parents whispering secrets in the kitchen at night

  4. Pretending nothing happened when I walked in

  5. The noise getting louder and louder

  6. One accidental slap across the face

  7. Countless tears dropping onto papers with a big, fat 0 on it
• At some point


  They'll forget to pretend, or rather, they don't care enough to pretend anymore
• I can hear their conversation very clearly every sleepless night through the thin wall of my bedroom
• This was the starting point


  Where I began comparing myself with other people and complaining to myself the same as my parents did to me
• Questions I asked myself


  • Are they better than me?
  • Is he better looking than me?
  • Is she smarter than me?
  • Are they luckier than me?
  • Why am I so weak?
• Like other kids in Cambodia, I used to open the window at night after my study
• I stood and let the night air hugged me like a loving mother


  As I didn't receive enough warmth from my mother where I could no longer rely on
• I looked up at the lonely moon trapped by the dark sky
• I felt like I could understand it

  A stranger who did not belong anywhere, who did not belong to the world, who should not exist
• I dreamt of a world where these desires weren't seen as strange
• I believe we all had this situation before, hadn't we?