i wake and feel the fell of dark

• i wake and feel the fell of dark, not day. What hours, O what black hours we have spent this night!
• what sight you, heart, saw, ways you went!
• with witness. I speak this. But where i say hours i mean years mean life
• cries like dead letters sent to dearest him that lives alas!
• his self disgust self loathing and self deprecation really come to fore when he describes himself as “gall” and ”heartburn”
• however he feels as though the physical and mental anguish he experiences is that of Gods commands. He is convinced he has been cursed and believes human bodies are nothing more than a “scourge” to our spirits and souls.
• in the end though he does concede that others are much “worse” off than he is but this realisation does nothing to make him feel better