13

• 13

  Offred discusses when Moira arrived at the Red Centre and the Testifying. She dreams of her empty apartment with Luke and running away with her daughter.
• There’s time to spare. This is one of the things I wasn’t prepared for - the amount of unfilled time, the long parentheses of nothing.
• Friendships were suspicious, we knew it, we avoided each other during the mealtime lineups in the cafeteria and in the halls between classes.
• We weren’t given the white wings until we graduated, we had only the veils; so we could talk, as long as we did it quietly and didn’t turn to look at one another.
• Two-thirty comes during Testifying. Aunt Helena is here, as well as Aunt Lydia, because Testifying is special.
• But whose fault was it? Aunt Helena says…

  Her fault, her fault, her fault, we chant in unison.

  Who led them on? Aunt Helena beams, pleased with us.

  She did. She did. She did.

  Why did God allow such a terrible thing to happen?

  Teach her a lesson. Teach her a lesson. Teach her a lesson.
• For a moment, even though we knew what was being done to her, we despised her.

  Crybaby. Crybaby. Crybaby.

  We meant it, which is the bad part.
• This week Janine doesn’t wait for us to jeer at her. It was my fault, she says. It was my own fault. I led them on. I deserved the pain.

  very good, Janine, says Aunt Lydia. You are an example.
• Each month I watch for blood, fearfully, for when it comes it means failure. I have failed once again to fulfil the expectations of others, which have become my own.