Eat Me - Patience Agbabi

• "When I hit thirty, he brought me a cake"

  • Connotation of a physical or abrupt transition, implying a significant moment in the speaker's life. Suggests an emotional or physical shift that might signal maturity, but the bluntness of 'hit' may imply a feeling of inevitability or even trauma.
  • The simple act of receiving a cake is a form of gift-giving, but it can be seen as a symbol of power dynamics. The cake could also symbolise the man's control over the speaker, marking a ritual or tradition that might carry connotations of subjugation.
• "three layers of icing, home-made,"

  • Highlights excess, indulgence and perhaps an attempt to mask something underneath. Metaphor for her life or her relationship with the man.
  • 'Home-made' suggests a personal touch, something intimate and familiar. It may also symbolise traditional gender roles, but here it can also point to how the woman's body is being treated or consumed by someone else.
• "a candle for each stone in weight."

  • 'Stone' as a measure of weight is importance, referencing her own body, highlighting how she is viewed or measured by the man.
  • Dual meaning in stone - it refers both to the speaker's physical weight and the metaphorical weight she carries in terms of societal expectations, emotional burdens, or the weight of the man's influence.
  • Candles represent a celebration but the fact that there's so many of them implies a grim irony. Rather than celebrating her life or identiy, the candles emphasise her weight, pointing to a relationship that objectifies her.
• "The icing was white but the letters were pink,"

  • White often symbolises purity, innocence, or something pristine. However it can be interpreted as a facade, masking control and consumption.
  • Pink can be associated with sweetness, femininity and delicacy. It can also be seen as a sign of artificiality or an overly sweet, yet shallow, command. Contrasts with the innocent white icing. Evokes a sense of childlike simplicity and playful tone, but in combination with the imperative 'EAT ME', it creates tension between innocence and control.
• "they said, EAT ME. And I ate..."

  • Use of the imperative form EAT ME suggests a sense of dominance or control. She is being instructed to perform an action, without understanding the full implications of it. She is being manipulated or controlled through an act of consumption, invoking the power dynamics.
• "...did / what I was told. Didn't even taste it."

  • Her compliance with the command highlights themes of subjugation, suggesting the act of eating is not a choice, but an enforced action. Passive voice conveys her lack of agency and sense of powerlessness.
  • 'Didn't even taste it' implies a detachment or disconnect. Suggests the act of eating is mechanical, highlighting her loss of personal agency.
  • Irony - eating is typically associated with pleasure yet she is coerced and forced.
• "...so he could watch my broad / belly wobble..."

  • 'Broad' suggests a large, expansive image of the body. Contrasts with more traditional, possibly more idealised, portrayals of the female form.
  • 'Wobble' evokes a sense of vulnerability and lack of control, implying a physical instability that could symbolise emotional instability. Demeaning; emphasises her physicality in an objectifying way.
  • 'Broad' and 'wobble' creates a tension between the ideas of strength and fragility, power and weakness.
• "...hips judder like a juggernaut."

  • Simile of 'juggernaut' - a massive, unstoppable force, which contrasts sharply with the earlier image of wobbling. Suggests a complex relationship between physicality and her power or autonomy.
  • 'Judder' evokes a sense of terror or disruption, but paired with the unstoppable force of a 'juggernaut', it indicates that despite the seeming instability of her body, she possesses an undeniable, inescapable power.
• "The bigger the better, he'd say, I like / big girls, soft girls..."

  • Juxtaposed in a way that implies a desire for excess or abundance, both physically and metaphorically. The idea of 'bigger' representing an ideal or preference for something that defies conventional beauty standards or expectations.
  • 'Big' and 'soft' is a challenge to traditional representations of feminine beauty. Adjective 'soft' conveys vulnerability and warmth, while 'big' breaks away from the slim, conventional ideal.
• "...girls I can burrow inside / with multiple chins, masses of cellulite."

  • Verb 'burrow' introduces an image of intimacy and comfort. Suggests a desire to hide within the body, indicating physical and emotional closeness. Hints at a power dynamic.
  • Physicality of descriptions challenges conventional beauty standards. Implies a desire for more authenticity or realness in the form of beauty, highlighting a rejection of unrealistic ideals.
• "I was his Jacuzzi. But he was my cook,"

  • Metaphor of being a Jacuzzi to imply a sense of being used for someone else's pleasure, suggesting passivity and objectification. A Jacuzzi is a place of comfort and indulgence, often associated with relaxation and luxury. She suggests their role it to serve the desires of the other person, with little agency or control.
  • Reversal of roles suggests a dynamic of power and dependency. She relies on the other for sustenance while also indulging in the pleasure of consumption.
• "my only pleasure the rush of fast food,"

  • 'Rush of fast food' juxtaposes the idea of immediate gratification with a lack of depth or substance. Fast food contrasts with a more meaningful or fulfilling experience, suggesting that her pleasures may be shallow or fleeting.
  • Fast food could symbolise indulgence without satisfaction or a dependency on things that are easy but ultimately unsatisfying.
  • 'Rush' evokes a sense of urgency or excess, pointing to the addictive nature of instant gratification.
• "his pleasure, to watch me swell like forbidden fruit."

  • Comparison to 'forbidden fruit' evokes biblical imagery. Suggests that her body is something tempting, dangerous and illicit. Implies that their 'swelling' (weight gain) is a source of pleasure and transgression.
  • 'Swelling' hints at excess, growth, and overwhelming sense of indulgence. Could symbolise how her body becomes an object of desire, and something growing beyond control.
• "His breadfruit. His desert island after shipwreck."

  • Breadfruit is a topical fruit known for its large size, symbolising abundance, indulgence and excess. 'His' implies ownership, suggesting a relationship where one person controls. Breadfruit can be a metaphor for the body itself - large, inviting, or objectified.
  • Desert island suggests isolation, survival and abandonment. Could represent where the speaker is stranded, physically or emotionally, on someone else's desires.
• "Or a beached whale on a king-size bed / craving a wave..."

  • Juxtaposition of the 'beached whale' with the 'king-size bed' heightens the contrast between the enormity of the body and the luxurious setting, representing a struggle with control or feeling of being trapped. The bed, typically associated with intimacy and comfort, now becomes a prison for her physical form. The whale, often a symbol of power, becomes helpless.
  • The wave desires to be removed from its natural habitat, representing an unfulfilled longing, an attempt to return to something lost, or a desire to escape.
• "...I was a tidal wave of flesh"

  • Tidal wave metaphor suggests overwhelming power or force. She claims her own body as a massive, uncontrollable force, which could signify a reclamation of power, but also implies a destructive nature. Reflects the tension between being objectified and asserting agency.
  • Indicates how the body becomes both a site of desire and a form of destruction.
• "too fat to leave, too fat to buy a pint of full-fat milk,"

  • Repetition of 'too fat' emphasises her self-perception and reinforces the central theme of body image. 'Too' implies an excessiveness that she feels trapped in, suggesting physical and emotional confinement.
  • 'To leave' suggests a limitation or inability to escape from their situation. Can be interpreted as a lack of agency or autonomy.
  • 'Full-fat milk' is an ironic contrast - a rich, indulgent item, which may symbolise something she feels unworthy of due to their weight.
• "too fat to use fat as an emotional shield / too fat to be called chubby, cuddly, big-built."

  • Reveals a previous coping mechanism has failed. Suggests she might once have used her size to protect themselves from emotional vulnerability or rejection. 'Too fat' indicates the weight has surpassed its purpose and has become a source of alienation, rather than a protective layer.
  • Distances herself from these familiar euphemisms, suggesting they are no longer allowed the comfort of being viewed with affection. Shift in terminology reflects dehumanisation.
• "The day I hit thirty-nine, I allowed him to stroke / my globe of a cheek."

  • 'Globe' may refer to the idea of global or universal. Suggests her body is an object of both attraction and control, yet also a space that can be violated and consumed.
  • 'Globe' for the cheek creates a round, full image, evoking a sense of soft sensuality and potential excess. Could be read as symbolic of a larger issue, such as the body itself or the consumption of the self.
• "...His flesh, my flesh flowed."

  • Emphasises the fluidity and intimacy between the two people. Repetition of 'flesh' reinforces physicality and closeness, but the verb 'flowed' implies an effortless, overwhelming connection.
  • Act of flowing flesh suggests a blending or fusion, which could symbolise the dissolution of boundaries between the speaker and the other person, as well as the merging of desires, possibly signifying a loss of control or a sense of surrender.
• "He said, Open wide, poured olive oil down my throat."

  • 'Open wide' suggests a command, a moment of submission. Hints at the imbalance of power.
  • Olive oil symbolises wealth, luxury and sensual indulgence. Also associated with nourishment and excess, suggesting she is being fed or consumed in a luxurious but excessive manner. Tactile image heightens the physicality of the act, as the body is used and consumed in a pleasurable yet discomforting way.
• "Soon you'll be forty... he whispered, and how could I not roll over on top."

  • Mention of age represents time, maturity and inevitability of change. 'Forty' often signifies middle age. 'Soon' indicates the imminent approach of this milestone, adding a sense of urgency.
  • Verb 'whispered' creates intimate, private atmosphere. Could indicate a power imbalance - her physical dominance contrasts his whispering, often implying submission or weakness.
  • Clear image of physical dominance and control. Highlights physical and metaphorical power.
• "...I rolled and he drowned / in my flesh. I drowned his dying sentence out."

  • Creates a haunting, sensual image. 'Drowned' suggests the other person is overwhelmed by her physicality, as if suffocated by her body. Idea of flesh evokes carnal desires, emphasising the physical nature of her power.
  • 'Drowned' introduces a violent undertone to an intimate moment. Contrast between physical closeness and danger.
• "I left him there for six hours that felt like a week."

  • Introduces a sense of distorted time, which heightens the intensity of the moment. Exaggeration emphasises how she perceives the duration of time in the context of their frustration, anger, or a sense of inevitability. Could suggest emotional turmoil or suffering.
  • Idea of 'leaving him there' suggests control or dominance. She holds power over the other person, allowing them to remain in an uncomfortable position for an extended time.
• "His mouth slightly open, his eyes bulging with greed"

  • Description of his physical state creates a grotesque image. 'Slightly open' hints at a primal, animalistic nature, while 'his eyes bulging with greed' conveys intense desire or obsession. Suggests a loss of self-control, hinting at a larger metaphor of insatiable hunger or consumption.
  • Could point to his character being consumed by greed, suggesting that his desires are so overpowering they physically manifest in his appearance.
• "There was nothing else left in the house to eat."

  • Metaphorically represents a sense of emptiness or exhaustion. Implies she feels emotionally drained, with no more resources (physical or psychological) left to give.