Mark Scheme & Model Answer

• Translating the mark scheme

  Here is a simple version of the AQA mark scheme for the unseen poetry question, and below, a student-friendly translation of the mark scheme with expert advice and guidance, broken down into the different assessment objectives.

  
• AO1

  What it says: “Maintain a critical style and develop an informed personal response”

  What it means: Write a clear essay with a central argument based on your own opinions. All parts of the essay must directly answer the question

  Commentary: 

  • Examiners want to see what they call a “coherent” response: an answer that relates to a central argument in every part of the essay
  • This is why it is vital to plan your answer first
  • It is also vital that you analyse the poem in terms of the question set
  • This argument should always link directly to the question, so include the key words of the question in your thesis and your topic sentences
  • Examiners want to see your opinions, not the opinions of an imagined ’reader’

  What it says: “Use textual references, including quotations, to support and illustrate interpretations”
• What it means: Select quotations and references from the poem. These must be accurate, and provide evidence for the points you make in your argument

  Commentary: 

  • Examiners reward highest marks to students who relate the ideas and themes of the poem in terms of the exam question
  • References do not need to be direct quotations
  • Examiners are equally happy when students just “pinpoint specific moments” in the poem
  • You do not get more marks for more quotations
  • All references just need to be accurate and provide evidence for your points and overall argument
  • All references must be relevant to the points of your essay
  • Examiners dislike when students include irrelevant quotations
• AO2

  What it says: “Analyse the language, form and structure used by a writer to create meanings and effects”

  What it means: Use analysis of the poet’s choices to support your argument. This evidence can be the language used in the poems, or any other deliberate choice made by the poet

  Commentary:

  • Examiners want students to move away from word-level analysis to whole-text analysis based on a poet’s ideas and message
  • This means not just focusing your analysis on the language or poetic techniques in the poem
  • Instead, think about the ideas they are trying to present:
  • What themes is it exploring? Is it challenging or criticising certain viewpoints?
  • This analysis should move from how the poet uses language, structure and form, to why they do it
  • What is the poet using their poem to say? What is their overall message?
• What it says: “[...] using relevant subject terminology where appropriate”

  What it means: Include terminology on the poet’s techniques only when techniques are explained fully and relevant to your argument

  Commentary:

  • Examiners don’t like what they call “technique-spotting”
  • This is where a student uses (sometimes very sophisticated) vocabulary to name the literary techniques poets use without explaining them
  • Equally, they don’t reward analysis that just names a word class (“the noun X”; “the verb Y”)
  • They think this is “unnecessary and unhelpful”
  • A poet’s techniques should only be analysed if they provide further evidence to support your argument
  • Examiners want students to move from what technique a poet uses to how and why they are using them
• What makes a Level 6 answer?

  If you want to achieve a Grade 9, you should be aiming for a Level 6 response. Below you will see a table that explains how to move from a Level 5 response to Level 6.

  Question:

  
• What makes a Level 6 answer?

  
• What makes a Level 6 answer?

  
• What makes a Level 6 answer?

  
• What makes a Level 6 answer?

  
• Tick list for success

  Marking your own essays can be difficult. However, if you use the tick list below, you can see which features and skills you have, and haven’t, included in your answer. If you can say ‘yes’ to all of the questions below, your essay should be heading towards the highest level.

  AO1

  • Have I included a thesis statement in my introduction?
  • Does my thesis statement refer to the poem?
  • Does my thesis statement include a central argument based on my own opinions?
  • Does my thesis statement include key words from the question?
  • Have I included topic sentences for all of my paragraphs?
  • Do all of my paragraphs directly answer the question?
  • Have I included a conclusion that sums up my argument and links to my thesis?
  • Have I chosen two or three quotations from the given poem?
  • Do all of my references directly support my argument?
  • Does each reference I have included support the points made in my topic sentences?
• AO2

  • Does my analysis provide evidence for the points in my argument?
  • Have I moved from close word-level analysis to whole-text analysis?
  • Have I included analysis of the poet’s overarching ideas and messages?
  • Have I removed any unnecessary technique spotting?
  • Have I removed any unnecessary naming of word classes?
  • Have I explained a poet’s use of techniques in terms of their overall message?
• Model Answer

  Below you will find a full-mark, Level 6 model answer for an unseen poetry essay. Commentary below each section of the essay illustrates how and why it would be awarded Level 6. Despite the fact it is an answer to a specific past paper question, the commentary below is relevant to any unseen poetry question.

  As the commentary is arranged by assessment objective, a student-friendly mark scheme has been included here:

  
• Model Answer Breakdown

  The commentary for the below model answer is arranged by assessment objective: each paragraph has commentary for a different assessment objective, as follows:

  • Introduction includes commentary on all the AOs
  • Paragraph 1 includes commentary on AO1 (answering the question and selecting references)
  • Paragraph 2 includes commentary on AO2 (analysing a poet’s methods)
  • Conclusion includes commentary on all the AOs

  The model answer answers the following question:

  
• Level 6, full-mark answer:

  In The Richest Poor Man in the Valley, Macrae presents ideas about living a happy and contented life through ‘Harry’ and she depicts his concept of a simple existence to convey her views about living a “rich” life: it is one free from monetary possessions, working in companionship with nature and one that is built on valuable friendships.

  
• Commentary:

  • The introduction is in the form of a thesis statement
  • It includes a central argument based on my own opinions
  • It includes key words from the question:
  • “Macrae presents ideas about living a happy and contented life through ‘Harry’…”
  • It acknowledges the poet making deliberate choices and conveying a message
  •  “she depicts his concept of a simple existence to convey her views about living a “rich” life…”
  • It includes modal language to show a conceptualised approach
• Macrae presents happiness through the character of Harry and her use of a first name almost appears as an afterthought, which brings a sense of familiarity to the reader. Further, Macrae’s use of the third person could be used to emphasise the detachment of Harry from his materialistic world, instead finding solace in being isolated from it, with him seemingly appearing to be “on the outside”. Further, he is presented as appearing “older than he was” and having a face “which was like a weather map full of bad weather” which initially gives the impression that he is wearisome and has perhaps been somewhat battered by life. However, Macrae quickly indicates that his outward appearance belies his inner contentment through her use of the metaphor “while inside his heart was fat with sun”.
• Her metaphor suggests Harry’s life is one which is filled to the brim with joy and pleasure and it suggests an abundance of positivity and energy on the inside which stands in contrast to the superficial nature of material possessions on the exterior. Macrae continues her use of this contrast between the interior and exterior appearance of wealth to convey her ideas that inner happiness and joy are fundamental aspects of the human condition and Macrae uses this to underscore the importance of being content within your own self.
• Commentary:

  • Paragraph begins with a topic sentence
  • Topic sentence directly addresses the question (answer always address the idea of “happiness and contentment”)
  • Topic sentence has a narrower focus than the thesis statement (focus is on “the presentation of Harry”)
  • The whole paragraph is related to the topic sentence
  • Paragraph includes multiple relevant references to the poem
  • All references are linked to the question, and support the argument of the topic sentence
• The uncomplicatedness of Harry’s life is mirrored in the simple free verse structure of the poem and Macrae’s use of enjambment further helps to illustrate Harry’s life as one which is unconstrained and unbound. Further, the use of irregular line length could signify the unpredictable nature of his existence and further emphasises how he is free from the strict codes and structures of what are judged as important indicators of one’s life such as “money, houses, bank accounts”. Macrae uses the word “lies” after this phrase which further illustrates the deceit and falseness of these things which lie on the surface of one’s existence and are deemed to be important. Indeed, Macrae’s choice of title for the poem with its juxtaposition of “richest” and “poorest” conveys how wealthy Harry is in terms of self-contentment, despite his outward appearance to others of being “poor”.
• Macrae further contrasts this in the next and final stanza of the poem when she uses the words “diamonds” to illustrate how rare and priceless Harry was and Macrae’s use of simile to describe the tears shed by his friends at his funeral, “like a thousand diamonds”, heightens the emotional impact of the poem and highlights their devastation at the loss of his companionship.
• Commentary:

  • Analysis provides evidence for the points in the topic sentence 
  • Whole-text analysis of the poem (focus on overarching poetic choices like perspective)
  • Not just analysis of the language, but also:
  • Perspective
  • Voice
  • The poet’s ideas
  • Structure
  • All analysis explained fully in terms of the question and my own argument
  • Analysis explained in terms of the poet’s overall message
• To conclude, in The Richest Poor Man in the Valley, Macrae presents ideas about living a happy and contented life to illustrate an existence which is free from the fixation on shallow material possessions to one which cherishes what Macrae considers to be the most important things in life, such as treasured friendships, the joy of nature and ultimately being content within your own self.

  Commentary:

  • Conclusion uses key words from the question
  • Conclusion links to thesis
  • Conclusion sums up more detailed arguments outlined in topic sentences of all paragraphs
  • It also gives a fuller understanding of the poet’s intentions, based on ideas explored in the essay