L8: Attraction, Intimacy, & Relationship

• Aristotle called humans "the social animal"
• Need to belong - to connect with others in enduring, close relationships. A motivation to bond with others that provide ongoing positive interactions
• When we do belong— when we feel supported by close intimate relationships, we tend to be healthier and happier
• Satisfaction in need to belongingness must have a balance between autonomy and competence
• Ostracism - acts of excluding or ignoring (silent treatment, bullying, rejections)
• An exclusion experience also triggers increased of other's unconscious attempt to build rapport
• 5 things that leads to Friendship and Attraction

  1. Proximity
  2. Physical Attractiveness
  3. Similarity vs Complementary
  4. Liking those Who Like us
  5. Relationship Rewards
• Proximity

  • 1st thing that leads to Friendship and Attraction;
  • geographical nearness; "functional distance" powerfully predicts liking
  • prompts liking but may also breed hostility, assaults, and crime
• Proximity

  Interaction

  • even more significant than functional distance is how often people's paths cross
• Anticipation of Interaction

  • Proximity enables people to discover commonalities and exchange rewards
• Anticipation of Interaction

  Anticipatory Liking - expecting that someone will be pleasant and compatible increases the chance of forming a rewarding relationship
• Mere Exposure Effect - the tendency for novel stimuli to be liked more or rated more positively after the rarer has been repeatedly exposed to them
• Mere Exposure Effect

  • colors our evaluation of others; we like familiar people
  • the more two strangers interact, the more attractive they tend to find each other
• Physical Attractiveness

  • 2nd thing that leads to Friendship and Attraction
  • Matching Phenomenon
  • Physical Attractiveness Stereotype
• Physical Attractiveness

  Matching Phenomenon - the tendency for men and women to choose as partners those whose are a "good match" in attractiveness and other traits
• Physical Attractiveness

  Physical Attractiveness Stereotype - the presumption that physically attractive people possess other socially desirable traits as well. What is beautiful is good
• Similarity vs Complementary

  • 3rd thing that leads to Friendship and Attraction
  • Likeness begets liking
  • Dissimilarity breeds dislike
  • Complementary
• Likeness begets liking - birds of a feather do flock together. People who infer similar values have a high risk of liking one another
• Dissimilarity breeds dislike

  • discovering that the person is actually dissimilar tends to decrease liking
  • "Cultural racism" persists because of cultural differences
• Complementary - the popularly supposed tendency in a relationship between two people, for each to complete what is missing in the other
• Liking Those Who Like Us

  • 4th thing that leads to Friendship and Attraction
  • Proximity and attractiveness influence our initial influence attraction to someone, and similarity influences longer term attraction
• Liking Those Who Like Us

  Ingratiation - the use of strategies such as flattery by which people seek to gain another's favor
• Relationship Rewards

  • 5th thing that leads to Friendship and Attraction
  • we like to be liked and love to be loved
• Relationship Rewards

  Reward Theory of Attraction

  • Theory that we like those whose behavior is rewarding to us or whom we associate with rewarding events
• Relationship Rewards

  We not only like peoe who are rewarding to be with but also because we associate with good feelings

  Proximity is rewarding

  Similarity is rewarding

  Liking is usually mutual
• Robert Sternberg (1988) 3 Basic Components of Love

  1. Intimacy (Liking)
  2. Passion (infatuation)
  3. Decision/commitment (empty love)

  
• What is love?

  1. Passionate Love
  2. Companionate Love
• Passionate Love

  • an emotional, exciting, and intense kind of love
  • a state of intense longing for union with another
• Passionate Love

  • when reciprocated, one feels fulfilled & joyous, if not, one feels empty or desparining
  • it is what you feel when you not only love someone but also are "in love" with him or her
• Passionate Love

  Theory of Passionate Love

  • emotional arousal caused by exciting experienced may be confused for sexual attraction
• 2 Factor Theory of Emotions

  Arousal x Label = Emotion
• Companionate Love

  • the affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined
  • deep, affectionate attachments
  • can last a lifetime
  • high settles to a steadier relationships
• 3 Things that Enables Close Relationships

  1. Attachment
  2. Equity
  3. Self-disclosure
• Attachment - 1st thing that Enables Close Relationships

  1. Secure Attachment
  2. Avoidant Attachment
  3. Anxious Attatchment
• Attatchment

  Secure Attachment - rooted in trust and marked by intimacy
• Attachment

  Avoidant Attachment - marked by discomfort over or resistance to being close to others
• Attachment

  Anxious Attatchment - marked by anxiety or ambivalence. Insecure attatchment style
• Equity

  • 2nd thing that Enables Close Relationships
  • A condition in which the outcomes people receive from a relationship are proportional to what they contribute to it
• Self-Disclosure

  • 3rd thing that Enables Close Relationships
  • revealing intimate aspects of oneself to others
• Self-Disclosure

  Disclosure Reciprocity -tthe tendency for one person's intimacy to match that of a conversational partner. Disclose begets disclosure