The Family

• Marriage


  Ideally a permanent relationship where adjustments made by husband and wife are long-term solutions, not just temporary fixes
• Marital Adjustment


  The process during which partners in a marriage adapt and change to their new roles, complementing each other and acting as a team rather than two separate units. It involves unifying interests and values, maintaining open communication, and encouraging expression of each other's views.
• Two personalities living in intimacy cannot avoid conflict unless both are completely apathetic to each other
• It is not the agreement but the manner in which it is expressed that causes tension in a marriage
• Common Marital Problems


  • Personality Adjustments
  • Domestic Grievances
  • Temperamental Traits
  • Emotional Maturity
  • Parent Fixation
  • Recreation
  • Authority and Responsibility
  • Relatives and In Laws
  • Trifles
  • Money Problems
  • Infidelity
  • Jealousy
  • A Working Wife
  • Sexual Relations
• Personality


  The totality of the external manifestations and internal feelings of the individual
• Most of the difficulties in marriage arise from differences in habits and attitudes
• Domestic Grievances


  When two individuals share living quarters, routine arrangements must be adapted to the needs, habits and preferences of both
• The primary essence of marriage is sharing, and the mechanics of living together offers an opportunity to learn how to share
• Temperamental Traits


  Well-adjusted people maintain their equilibrium even when the going gets rough, swinging neither to violent anger nor apathetic coldness
• Emotional Maturity


  An individual may exhibit both mature and immature behavior at the same time. Emotionally mature people have intelligence comparable to their age, see themselves as part of a larger whole, live in reality, are independent-minded, do not depend too much on flattery, and have an adult attitude toward sex, love and marriage.
• Parent Fixation


  A strong feeling of attachment to one's mother or father, where the bride/groom feels they occupy second place in the other's affection
• Recreation


  Leisure time free from economic pursuits, including homemaking. Experts suggest there should be a definite plan of recreation for the average family.
• Authority and Responsibility


  In a democratic family, members are encouraged to take care of themselves, grow in their ability to assume adult responsibilities, and use as much freedom as they need
• Relatives and In Laws


  In the Philippines, living with in-laws is sometimes unavoidable. In-law relationships must be handled carefully, as they can be an asset or liability. For a marriage to succeed, both mates must give their first allegiance and loyalty to each other rather than to their parents.
• Trifles


  Misunderstandings between married couples that are traced to things of little value or importance, which can be more harmful than occasional heated arguments. Irritability may be caused by physical/mental fatigue, emotional/intellectual maladjustment, or unsatisfactory sex relations.
• Money Problems


  Decision making about family spending is relatively easy if husband and wife share common social perceptions and expectations. The traditional arrangement is the husband giving his entire salary to the wife for household and other expenses. Money is nearly always a problem for the newly married, and the realistic wife knows money is not elastic, so she makes sure essentials are provided for before thinking of extras and luxuries.
• Infidelity


  Infidelity may entail a much broader range of behavior than just the physical act of extramarital coitus, as many men and women look outside their marriage to satisfy emotional and psychological needs. One modern trend is for a married man or woman to have a boy/girlfriend, referred to as a mistress, querida, kabit, or gigolo. In most cases, the wife decides to maintain the marriage rather than seek separation.
• Jealousy


  Jealousy is a natural provocative emotion, but when it gets out of hand, it defeats its purpose and can alienate a spouse's affection without real justification. Jealousy implies fear - fear of losing the affection and fidelity of the other person. Jealousy may be necessary/justifiable (based on observation) or unnecessary/unjustifiable (not based on fact but on insecurity/suspicion). Jealousy is self-defeating as love and fidelity cannot be forced through suspicion and surveillance, the other person resents the lack of trust, and it is often a symptom of immaturity. Jealousy is expressed through criticism, suspicion, questioning, nagging, demands for explanation, moodiness, loss of respect, attempted domination, and restriction of freedom.
• A Working Wife


  There are husbands who resent the outside interests of their wives, wanting them for themselves alone. They may feel their friends will look down on them if they allow their wives to work, and they tend to become jealous of their wife's time and success, feeling their masculinity is challenged. A traditional husband wants a full-time housewife whose life revolves completely around him.
• Sexual Relations


  Marriage sanctions the intimate physical relationship between husband and wife, which is considered an expression of their deeper emotional life together and their regard for each other, as well as nature's way of providing offspring.
• Parenthood


  Generally considered a natural outcome after marriage. The child's position in the family is significant, as the child gives the family its form and structure. Parenthood today is not the same as a generation ago, as modernization has affected the roles of father and mother.
• Values/Benefits of Children


  • Help with household chores and financial support
  • Raising the family's socioeconomic standing through education
  • Providing love, happiness, and inspiration
  • Cementing the marital bond and preventing desertion
  • Bringing good luck and being a gift from God
• Socialization


  The process whereby the individual acquires and internalizes the norms, attitudes, and values of their society. The family is the most influential agent of socialization, as the child's personality is affected by the people they belong to and their social environment.
• Role of Parents in Socialization


  Parents are dedicated to child-rearing not only out of love and concern, but also due to community expectations and legal prescription. The family's reputation is at stake, as the child's behavior is seen as reflective of their upbringing. Although both parents play an active role, the mother assumes the bulk of childcare responsibility, though her role has expanded beyond the home.
• The traditional belief that employment of the mother leads to child neglect and emotional deprivation, as well as communication breakdown, has not been sufficiently substantiated and must be qualified.
• Maternal and Childcare


  Even before birth, the family and relatives help meet the needs of the pregnant woman. The birth of a child is a happy event, with the infant receiving the most attention and never being left alone. Most Filipino mothers breastfeed their babies, though working mothers resort to bottle feeding. Children are taught to be obedient, respectful, and helpful with household chores.
• Child-Rearing Patterns


  The process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. The most common caretaker is the biological parent(s), though others may be involved. Parenting styles vary by historical time period, race/ethnicity, social class, and other social features, as well as the parent's own history and psychopathology.
• Fatherhood


  The father is protective, affectionate, and a source of encouragement, providing for the family's necessities and respecting/loving the mother. Fathers can be classified as procreator, dilettante, determinative, or generative based on their level of involvement and approach to fatherhood.
• Fatherhood


  • Protective and shows affection that give his full trust and security
  • Source of encouragement and has the patience to listen
  • Truly provides the necessities of the family
  • Must respect and love the mother of his children and spending more quality time with the family
• Classification of Fatherhood according to an activity dimension


  • Procreator Father- one who equates fatherhood primarily with raising of and providing for children
  • Dilettante Father- one who is often away from home but maintains a warm relationship with children
  • Determinative Father- one who sees fatherhood as a task and and obligation and is obsessed with directing his children's lives
  • Generative Father- one who spends much time with children and enjoys being with them such that fatherhood becomes opportunity for his own growth and fulfillment
• According to Rebecca Barlow Jordan the Perfect Father


  • He has no favorites but loves all His children unconditionally
  • He is always right
  • He is forever faithful and will never abandon His children
  • He is always available
  • He always knows the wise thing to do
• Solo parenthood


  A parent not living with a spouse or partner that has most of the day-to-day responsibilities in raising the child or children
• Causes of solo parenthood


  • Death of partner
  • Divorce
  • Unintended Pregnancy
  • Single Parent Adoption
• Child custody


  Which parent is allowed to make important decisions about the children involved
• Physical custody


  Which parent the child lives with
• Parallel parenting


  Parenting after divorce in which each parent does so independently; most common
• Cooperative parenting


  Occurs when the parents involved in the child's life work together around all involved parties' schedules and activities, and this is for less common
• Mothers with the unintended pregnancies, and their children are subject to numerous adverse health effect including increased risk of violence and death, and the children are less likely to succeed in school and are more likely to live in poverty and be involved in crime
• Children adopted by a single person were raised in pairs rather than alone, and many adoptions by lesbians and gay men were arranged as single parent adoptions