Duck:

• Duck proposed a phase model of relationship breakdown

  • He argued that the ending of a relationship is not a one-off event but a process that takes time and goes through four distinct phases
  • Each phase is marked by one partner (or both) reaching a 'threshold', a point at which their perception of the relationship changes (usually for the worse)
  • The road to break-up begins once a partner realises that they are dissatisfied with the relationship and distressed about the way things are going
• Intra-psychic phase


  Threshold: 'I can't stand this anymore'

  • on cognitive processes occurring within the individual
  • The dissatisfied partner worries about the reasons for his or her dissatisfaction, centring mostly on their partner's shortcomings.
  • The partner mulls their thoughts over privately, and may share them with a trusted friend. They weigh up the pros and cons of the relationship and evaluate these against the alternatives (including being alone)
  • They begin to make plans for the future.
• Dyadic phase


  Threshold: 'I would be justified in withdrawing'

  • Focus on interpersonal processes between the two partners
  • There comes a point when they cannot avoid talking about their relationship any longer
  • Confrontations in which the relationship is discussed and dissatisfactions are aired
• Dyadic phase:


  • These are characterised by anxiety complaints about lack of equity, resentment over imbalanced roles and a rethinking of the commitment that kept the partners together
  • There are two possible outcomes a determination to continue breaking up the relationship or a renewed desire to repair it
  • But if the rescue attempts fail, another threshold is reached.

  Ironically, self-disclosures may become deeper and more frequent in this phase as partners express thoughts and feelings they had been withholding in the intra-psychic phase
• Social phase


  Threshold: 'I mean it'

  • Focus on wider processes involving the couple's social networks
  • The break-up is made public
  • Partners will seek support
  • Mutual friends find they are expected to choose a side
  • Gossip is traded and encouraged. Some friends provide reinforcement and reassurance others will place the blame on one partner
  • Some may hasten the end of the relationship by providing previously secret information
  • Others may pitch in and try to help repair the relationship
  • This is usually the point of no return - the break-up takes on a momentum driven by social forces
• Grave dressing phase


  Threshold: 'It's now inevitable

  • The focus on the aftermath
  • Once the relationship is dead, the time comes to bury it, by 'spinning' a favourable story about the breakdown for public consumption
  • This allows the partners to maintain a positive reputation usually at the expense of the other partner showing them in a bad light
  • Gossip plays an important role in this phase
  • It is crucial that each partner tries to retain some 'social credit' (La Gaipa) by blaming circumstances your partner or everything but themselves
• Grave dressing:


  • Involved creating a personal story you can live with which may differ from the public one
  • This is more to do with tidying up memories of the relationship, with a certain degree of rewriting of history
  • The traits you found endearing in your partner at the start of the relationship are now reinterpreted in a much more negative fashion
  • A 'wild and unpredictable nature' is now seen as an irresponsible failure to settle down.

  The dissatisfied partner finally reaches the threshold, 'Time to get a new life.