Read people like a book

• Patrick King is the author of the book "Read People Like a Book: How to Analyze, Understand, and Predict People's Emotions, Thoughts, Intentions, and Behaviors"
• Patrick King is a Social Interaction and Conversation Coach at www.PatrickKingConsulting.com
• The book provides 9 proven techniques to avoid awkward silence, how to be scientifically funnier and more likable, how to be wittier and quicker instantly, and how to make a great impression with anyone
• Theory of mind


  The ability to think about other people's cognitive and emotional realities
• Analyzing people


  Gathering high-quality data about a person and analyzing it intelligently to gain a deeper understanding of the person
• Analyzing and reading people is about much more than having hunches or knee-jerk emotional reactions about them
• Methodical, logical approach to analyzing others

  • Considering the origins/causes, psychological/social/physiological mechanisms, outcomes/effects, and triggers of the behavior being observed
• Many people believe they are "good with people" but are often less accurate judges of character than they like to believe
• Obstacles to becoming brilliant at reading people

  • Confirmation bias, failing to consider context, looking for single data points instead of broader trends, not establishing a baseline, and not understanding one's own biases and projections
• Analyzing others requires synthesizing information into a coherent working theory, rather than just spotting stereotypical behaviors
• Objectivity is a problem when analyzing others, as people often have different perceptions of the same situation
• Most of the communication that takes place between people is non-verbal in nature
• What people say is often a poor indicator of what they want to convey
• People-reading


  A valuable life skill with almost endless benefits
• It's possible to develop people-reading skills, as long as we can be honest about where we're starting from
• One sign in isolation rarely leads to accurate judgments; you need to consider them in clusters
• Culture people come from is an important factor that helps contextualize analysis appropriately
• Behavior is meaningless in a void; we need to establish a baseline to interpret what we see
• We become great people-readers when we understand ourselves and our own biases, expectations, values, and unconscious drives
• The test available at http://socialintelligence.labinthewild.org/ can help gauge proficiency at reading people's emotions
• Motivation


  The causes and drivers of behavior
• Understanding motivation helps to understand, predict, and influence behavior
• Shadow


  The unconscious aspects of our nature that we have disowned, ignored, or turned away from
• The shadow can manifest in subtle ways in behavior, thoughts, feelings, dreams, or unguarded moments
• Observing and understanding the outward signs of the shadow in others can provide deep insight into their character
• Acknowledging the shadow and its role in motivation can lead to heightened compassion and more effective communication
• Shadow projection is when a person unconsciously attributes their own shadow traits to another person
• Shadow


  Painful, uncomfortable feelings that a person unconsciously attributes to another person
• When a person feels intellectually inferior


  They may call everyone and everything "stupid" or haughtily criticize the efforts of others
• When a person is called "stupid" by someone who feels intellectually inferior


  It has nothing to do with the person being called "stupid" and everything to do with the person calling them that
• Complimenting a person's intelligence


  Can be used to flatter them
• Integrating the shadow


  Repressed material is not felt as shameful and uncomfortable, so there's no need to push it away anymore
• Integrating the shadow is long, difficult work that cannot be done on anyone else's behalf</b>
• Groups can have their own collective shadow - the things that a family, community, or nation refuse to acknowledge about themselves
• Adopting a loving and accepting attitude towards the shadow

  Being curious but kind, not trying to catch someone out or push their buttons
• The things we each push into our respective shadows are often not so different
• When a person insults you


  It often reveals something about their own shadow that they can't acknowledge
• Inner child


  The unconscious part of ourselves that represents the little children we once were
• When someone is acting with disproportionate emotion


  It could be a sign that their inner child has been activated
• When dealing with someone who is wholly identified with their inner child

  You may feel positioned as a "parent" figure