Final

• Self esteem needs

  • Desire to believe that we are worthwhile
  • Reinforces personal value
• Self actualization needs

  • Desire to develop our potential to the maximum
  • To become the best we can
  • To realize our dreams & goals
• Effective communication - self monitoring

  • Paying close attention to one’s behavior = Self-monitoring
  • High self-monitoring: looks for cues to tell them how to behave. Adjust their behaviors to produce positive reactions in others. Actions guided by requirements of a given situation
  • Low self-monitoring: use their own motives and values to guide their behavior. Unaware of their incompetence. What hey are privately and what they do publicly are consistent
• Terminology

  understanding who you are through conscious self-analysis and self-reflection

  self awareness
• Self concept: how do we formulate it

  • As a developing child
  • From the judgement of others
  • Social comparisons
  • Reference groups
• Self concept - as a developing child

  • Reflected appraisal
  • Learn to judge self by how others treat us
  • Opinions of others
  • Relatives, teachers, etc.
  • *Significant Other: a person who’s opinion is important enough to affect one’s self-concept strongly. Who’s opinion we especially value.
  • * Verbal and non-verbal behaviors of others can affect self-concept
• Self concept - Social comparison

  • Superior or inferior
  • Same or different
  • Significance comes from who make the judgement
• Self concept - reference group

  • Groups against which we compare ourselves, thereby influencing our self-concept and self-esteem
• Changing your self concept

  • Self-concept resists change
  • Tendency to cling to an existing self-concept
  • Cognitive Conservatism =  tendency to seek and attend to information that conforms to an existing self-concept.
  • When presented with information that contradicts our self-perception we can accept it and change or keep our original perception.
• Ego boosters and ego busters

  The difference between:

  • Ego Boosters:  someone enhances your self esteem
  • Ego Busters: someone reduces your self esteem
• Self esteem

  Someone with High Self - Esteem:

  • Likely to think well of others
  • Expect to be accepted by others
  • Perform well when under observation
  • When high performance is demanded, rises to the occasion
  • Comfortable with those they view as “superior”
  • Able to defend themselves when criticized
• self esteem

  Someone with Low Self- Esteem:

  • Likely to disapprove of others
  • Expect rejection
  • Evaluate performance harshly
  • Perform poorly under observation
  • Perform well for undemanding people
  • Feel threatened by those felt to be “ superior”
  • Have difficulty defending self when criticized
• Internal "Tapes"

  Self - fulfilling prophecy

  • The notion of making predictions about future behaviors or feelings and then “acting” according to those predictions or prophecies
  • Hold expectation
  • Behave accordingly
  • Result
  • Reinforce expectation

  Self - Imposed prophecy

  • Occurs when your own expectations “Influence” your behavior

  Other Imposed prophecies

  • Your actions may be governed by the expectations that others have of you
• Public and private self

  • Identity Management: Communication strategies used to influence how others view them
  • Perceived Self:
  • Private
  • Reflection of self-concept, usually not totally shared with others
  • Presenting Self:
  • Public image (the face you show to others)
  • How we want others to view us
  • One’s face

  
• *Degrees of identity management

  High Self Monitors

  • Benefits: pay attention to their own behaviors, good people readers
  • Drawbacks: too analytical, get detached

  Low Self Monitors

  • Benefits: straightforward
  • Drawbacks: Express themselves with low regard

  Too much self-monitoring can be problematic, but people who are aware of their behavior and impression make more skillful communicators
• Language is rule governed

  Phonological Rules:

  • Sound combinations to form words (different by language) – sound

  Syntactic Rules:

  • Symbol arrangements to make sense and be pronounceable – grammar

  Semantic Rules:

  • Reflection of response to symbols. Words used can have more than one meaning – definition•

  Pragmatic Rules:

  • Help determine appropriate message (sense-interpretation) – social rules within context of situation
• naming and identity

  Names identify us

  • Shape the way others think of us, how we view ourselves & the way we act
  • Unusual vs. usual

  Age can change the form of our name

  • Old vs. new

  Marriage can change our name

  • Take husbands name vs. kept own name

  Group terminology can affect perception

  • Label a person as if only attribute. Ie. disabled
• * Listening defined

  There’s a lot more to listening than nodding yourhead and gazing politely at a speaker.Listening is actually a very demanding activity.It is just as important as speaking.Listening doesn’t become better as we get older. It is a skill  we need to work on
• Listening defined

  Hearing versus Listening

  • Passive Listening:
  • Reacting to messages automatically without much mental investment.
  • Active Listening:
  • Giving careful and thoughtful attention and responses to messages received
• Listening Defined

  Elements in the Listening Process

  • Hearing:
  • The physiological dimension of listening when sound waves strike the ear at a certain frequency and loudness.
  • Attending
  • The process of filtering out some messages and focusing on others
  • Understanding
  • to make sense of the message
  • Responding
  • Giving observable feedback to a speaker
  • Remembering
  • The ability to recall information
  • Residual message
• Listening defined

  Listening Fidelity

  • Degree of congruence between what a listener understands and what the sender intended to convey
• * Barriers to listening

  Types of Ineffective Listening:

  • Pseudolistening
  • Stage hogging
  • Selective listening
  • Insulated listening
  • Defensive listening
  • Ambushing
  • Insensitive listening
• * Barriers to listening

  • Pseudolistening
  • Appearance of being attentive
  • Counterfeit communication
  • Stage-hogging
  • Conversational narcissists, turn the topic of conversation to themselves
  • Shift response
  • Interruptions
  • Selective listening
  • Screen what they hear, reject everything else
  • Insulated listening
  • Avoid listening
  • Defensive listening
  • Take others’ remarks as personal attacks
  • Ambushing
  • Listen only to attack
  • Insensitive listening
  • Don’t receive messages clearly, unable to look beyond words
  • Hearing problems
  • listening ability suffers from a physiological hearing problem
• Types of listening responses

  1. Prompting
  2. Questioning
  3. Paraphrasing
  4. Supporting
  5. Advising
  6. Judging
• Types of listening responses

  PROMPTING

  • Using silences and brief statements of encouragement to draw out a speaker
  • Must be done sincerely to be effective
• Types of listening responses

  QUESTIONING

  • Helping style in which the receiver seeks additional information from the sender
  • To be sure the speaker’s thoughts and feelings are being received accurately
  • Active way of listening, helps promote understanding
• * Types of listening responses

  QUESTION TYPES

  • Closed questions: seeks specific, short answer
  • Open questions: allows speaker to express how they feel or think
  • Sincere questions: Aimed at understanding others
  • Counterfeit questions: sending rather than receiving message
• Types of Counterfeit Questions

  • Trap the speaker questions
  • You weren’t happy were you?
  • Tag questions
  • Isn’t that right?
  • Statement questions
  • Are you finally off the phone?
  • Hidden agenda questions
  • Are you busy Friday? (can be a set up)
  • “ Correct-answer ” questions
  • Do I look nice?
  • Unchecked assumption questions
  • What is the matter?
• Types of listening responses

  PARAPHRASING

  • Repeating a speaker’s thoughts and/or feelings in the listener’s own words.
  • Also known as active listening
  • * Form of perception checking
• Types of listening responses

  SUPPORTING

  • A helping response that reveals a listener’s solidarity with the speaker’s situation
• Types of listening responses - supportive responses

  • Empathizing
  • Agreement
  • Offers to help
  • Praise
  • Reassurance
• Types of listening responses - nonsupportive

  • Cold Comfort Messages
  • Deny feelings
  • Minimize significance
  • Focus on “ then and there ”
  • Cast judgment
  • Focus on self
  • Defend self
• Types of listening responses

  ANALYZING

  • A helping style in which the listener offers an interpretation of a speaker’s message
  • Complex process
  • Guidelines should be applied

  Guidelines for Analyzing

  1. Offer interpretation as tentative not absolute fact
  2. Ensure the person is receptive to analysis
  3. Be sure your motive for offering analysis is to help the speaker
  4. Make sure you have a reasonable chance of being correct
• Types of listening responses

  ADVISING

  • A helping response in which the receiver offers suggestions about how the speaker should deal with a problem
  • May or may not be helpful
  • Research studies offer points to consider for advice giving

  Advising – Is the advice..

  • Needed or wanted?
  • Given in the right sequence?
  • Coming from an expert or close/trusted person
  • Offered in a sensitive, face-saving manner?
• Types of listening responses

  JUDGING

  • When the receiver evaluates the sender’s message either favourably or unfavourably
  • Negative judgments versus constructive criticisms
  • Conditions for best outcome
  • A common issue that couples in counselling face is learning to take into account each other’s perspective when listening
• Factors to consider when choosing the best listening response

  • Gender
  • Supporting may be best for women
  • Advise may be best for men
  • both work for both genders
  • Culture
  • depends on the cultures beliefs
  • talking vs listening
  • Responses as encouragement or considered rude
  • The Situation
  • A competent communicator needs to analyze the situation & develop an appropriate response that seeks understanding
  • The Other Person
  • Consider the other person when choosing a style
  • Your Personal Style
  • Consider yourself when deciding how to respond & adapt
  • consider your strengths and weaknesses
• Listening in the workplace

  • High expectation to listen in workplace
  • High volume poses listening challenges
  • Eliminate poor listening habits - pseudolistening
  • Take basic steps
  • talk less, rid of distractions, set time aside
  • * Send right nonverbal cues
  • Lean forward, eye contact, nod, facial expressions, take notes
  • Patient when listening to non- native speakers
  • don’t correct grammar, don’t pretend to understand
  • Paraphrase
  • to help sum up the conversation
  • Monitor input & limit length of comments
  • keep comments brief, only relevant
  • Encourage quiet individual to provide their input
• * Listening is not an innate ability. It is a skill we need to practice and work on
• * Interpersonal relationships involve the way people deal with one another socially. They develop unique qualities
• Reasons for forming relationships

  1. Attraction
  2. Intimacy
  3. Reward